ALWAYS TEMPTING {FATE} LIKE A GAME OF {CHANCE}

if all of the storm clouds decided to stay ..

Jake

No wannabe hero, just an every day man trying to do the job the very best he can. - Shine Your Light, Robbie Robertson

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[posted on April the 1st]

( Girl, you've never known no one like me up there in your high society. They might tell you I'm no good .. girl, they need to understand just who I am. I may be a real bad boy .. but baby, I'm a real good man. )

0 talk remember

moved to bostonjake! [posted on October the 29th]

Apparently, I've got the journal change bug. Sometimes, a little change is needed. If you ♥ Jake, add him. Dooo it!

0 talk remember

One way is holding on. One way is being strong. There's two ways to say goodbye. [posted on June the 23rd]

Family/Friends Only.
We lost a kid today. Got the call to a house not too far from mine. Dad had a shotgun, mom was locked in her room. As far as we could tell, the dad was trying to use the kid as leverage. Things got nasty, the negotiator couldn't talk him down, and by the time we broke in the doors, it was too late.

What the hell kind of mother leaves her kid out to be used as collateral? What the hell kind of father uses his kid as a hostage? ~~And Dani wonders why I don't talk about this shit.~~

It'll be all over the news and this is gonna rain down a shit storm on the LAPD. My favorite fucking thing is when BIA gets involved, man. There's talk that we should have moved sooner. That we should have read the signs differently. I'm not a fucking hostage negotiator, you know? I'm a detective. I'm a hardliner cop.

And nothing's going to change the fact that we lost a kid today.
Sometimes, this job fucking sucks.

9 talk remember

What if today is as good as it gets? [posted on June the 1st]

I remember the first time I wrote in this thing. They were doing some pilot crap and making us do 'journal therapy,' which I found unbelievably creepy. Who the fuck wants to read my thoughts? And, for that matter, why the fuck would I want to get therapy from typing a few lines in an online forum.

I guess I feel a little differently now, although it still kind of creeps me out. But then, anyone can tell you, talking about me creeps me out, period. I don't like to dwell on myself. I don't like to talk about the things I've done, the things I've seen. Most of the time, I'm pretty good at just living the high life when I get a chance and living in the moment.

And it's not working anymore. I mean, I guess it is, if I want to be unhappy. If I want to push people away. And I really don't. If I've learned anything over the last several months, it's that life is precious. Too precious to waste on being a closed door all my life. I mean, don't expect me to go singing kumbaya or that crap.

[Dani only]
I've been distant. I've been quiet. I've probably been everything that I shouldn't be, but for some reason, you're still here. I think. I mean, I hope. I'd like to take you somewhere when you have a free moment. I know you've been busy, too, lately, but when we get a chance. There's this place just outside of LA, right in Malibu, actually, and I was thinking we could maybe talk. You deserve to know me, at least if you want to, and. I guess I'd like you to know me, too.

More than you do, I mean. The things that I haven't talked about, the things I've put aside because of my pride.

So if you're willing to take that walk (figurative and literal) with me, I'd really like to. Besides, I could use some down time with my favorite girl.

8 talk remember

Life's short, play hard. [posted on May the 2nd]

I'm not usually one for the usual catch phrases when it comes to the death of a loved one. The reality is, there's nothing that can bring the dead back, and sometimes I think platitudes from strangers only make things worse. But even though I'm on the outside looking in on this one, I've gotta say .. to Keely Williams' friends and family: I'm sorry for your loss, and I know that even those words really aren't enough to express it. I say it because even though I didn't know her personally, I know a few people that did. And that makes it important, regardless of my personal lack-of-acquaintanceship with her.

Its situations like this one, though, that remind us of why we need to live life to its fullest and embrace each and every day that we have each other. So for the people in my life, Mom, Dad .. Angel, Chase, God*. My beautiful Danielle. I am grateful for every moment I get to spend with each and every one of you. I love you all, from the bottom of my heart. And I know I don't get to say it enough, and for Mom and Dad, that I don't even really get to see you guys enough. But you're always in my thoughts.

*God, to be defined as Mandie Kendall, Danielle's trouble-making best friend. Who also happens to be pretty cool.

5 talk remember

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